Love Without Expecting…

We’ve all been there before…just sitting and reflecting on the disappointment we’re feeling caused by a friend, family member, or even a significant other, who didn’t show up for us in the way we’d imagined. You know, the same way that we feel like we’re constantly showing up for them. Every birthday, we make sure to gift them with a representation of our love. Every event, we’re showing up and joyfully celebrating the cause. We’re genuinely excited about their successes and encourage them more than ever through their failures. Every trial and tribulation they go through, we’re there to offer support. We love their kids like our own. Their family is held in the same loving regard as ours. So why is it not being reciprocated?

In this moment of dispiriting reflection, you declare that you’re going to start treating others in same manner that they treat you! They don’t call you? Fine, you just won’t call them! They don’t come to your events? Fine, you just won’t go to theirs! They don’t tell you Happy Birthday? Fine, you just won’t tell them! They don’t congratulate you? No biggie, you just won’t congratulate them! They don’t support you? Cool, you’ll stop offering yours! It’s that simple!

Or is it?

It’s human nature to feel slighted by people who fall short of our expectations. But, should you allow what you view as their shortcomings to alter the nature of your spirit?  If so, are you loving conditionally or unconditionally?

Personally, I use to allow what was given or not given to me by others, whether it was time, attention, material things, or verbal/physical expressions, determine the value or importance that I must hold in their lives. And in return, I allowed it to dictate what I was willing to offer or what I felt like they “deserved” from me. But I realized that loving with the expectation that it would be returned in the exact same way, not only adds disappointment to your life, but it adds unnecessary stress, conflict, and it blunts your discernment.  More importantly, it places the power of your happiness in the hands of others.

So, I made a choice to let go of the expectations that I allowed to control and define relationships with the people in my life…and to live, love, and do…unconditionally.

After doing so, I truly felt a shift in my spirit.

I felt lighter than I did before. Happier. More loving. Free to just be, without holding any attachments to defining my value to anyone.  Truly, unbothered.

Because the truth is, everyone isn’t like you.  Everyone doesn’t express in the same way, and what you may be regard as an “absence or lack of”, others may be completely unaware that they’ve unintentionally wronged you.

So continue to hold love at the core of your spirit, and let your essence and aura be a leading light. That holds much more power to positive change than a display of resentment ever could.


Keisha Sanker
June 12, 2017 at 5:19 pm

I love this! I am going through this right now with a few friends in my life. I need this right now in this moment. I am refusing to let people change who I am based on what they dish out to me. Perfectly said!

June 12, 2017 at 5:41 pm

Omg.. I tell my friends and myself this all the time.. u can’t get mad if ppl aren’t like you.. so don’t try and change who u are because ppl dont show u what u show them in return… “im not going to do this for this person.. because they dont do this for me”.. like i say.. well hey.. its in ur nature to be the person u are and to do the things u do for ppl..if u dont get the same in return.. there is no point in being resentful.. like u said.. letting who U are
And how UR love flows speaks light.. and that alone holds more power to positive change.. this is such good advice! Love it

June 12, 2017 at 7:55 pm

Love this! So true! Keep loving & being true to yourself without expectations! Great blog Tanika! Thank you for sharing!❤️??

WJC sr
June 12, 2017 at 10:44 pm

Great piece T?

Jason Rudison
June 13, 2017 at 9:10 am

Word! Dope read Tanika!!!

Renee Conroy
June 14, 2017 at 4:38 pm

Good thoughts to ponder, but my actuality is….there comes a time in our life to “cut” your losses. Relationships and behaviors should be reciprocated, in my honest opinion…based on love, care, and sincerity. If you are always filling someone else’s cup…who’s going to replenish yours when you’re dry…..I believe that learning to love self, requires you to maintain your wholeness. Cutting out weeds, and other items that choke life from the living, can only overtake the beauty and make a beautiful scenario ugly…even when there are still parts of the beauty present. Love your inspiration for remain loving though…I’ve just set boundaries and aligned limits to by garden! RCC

    Tanika Latta
    June 14, 2017 at 5:40 pm

    Thank you so much for your sentiments Renee 🙂 And you’re absolutely right, reciprocation should occur if the nature of the relationship is built on love, care, and sincerity. But the reality is, some people are takers instead of givers and the nature of their “being” isn’t fueled by spirit…instead, it’s motivated by “self”. The concept of “Loving without Expectations” is to keep your intentions pure without a premeditated outcome and to not allow others shortcomings affect your source. But sometimes, as you mentioned, boundaries need to be set and ties need to be cut in order to protect your cup. Love and appreciate your insight as always 🙂

June 21, 2017 at 4:27 am

I love it Tanika…. Life is more than just doing unto others as they do unto us….. Happiness is a choice and to me it’s the best choice of them all. Good job old friend keep shining ?

August 1, 2017 at 8:03 am

I love this! I’m going through this season and growing period at this moment! Thanks for the inspirational words!

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